I want that

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is go against our principles. Whether it was a feeling that was suddenly triggered by something or someone, or a feeling that had been dormant all our lives and was just waiting to slowly arise, we eventually realize that we’re ready to live for the things that we’d always spoken and felt so very strongly against. And we realize how difficult it is to stop putting up the strong front that had always shielded us so comfortably; how difficult it is to get off our high horses and finally admit that we’ve been wrong, and that we want to do what we’d always sworn we’d never do. To admit that we want to have what we’d always vowed we’d never have. And that’s when we can’t wait for the time to come when we can really do and have all that.

Because of you

I actually thought I could have the kind of life every woman wants, and the kind of life I always dreaded.

I will never again harbor thoughts of giving up my entire self just to please other people.

I learned to live with insecurities that I never even knew were there before.

I am now the bitter cynic who will always think that love only exists in the movies, and that very inaccurately.

I will always be haunted by the fear that I will never be good enough for anyone.

I will never again believe in forever.

Waiting

It seems as though that’s all I’ve been doing these days.

Waiting for the tide to turn, watching in increasing desperation and agony as it wavers in my favor and then away from it, in one vicious cycle.

Waiting for a sign from God to tell me everything will eventually work out.

In a nutshell, waiting for a bloody miracle.

It’s enough to make anyone shake the teeth out of me and bellow, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!”

Doormat

Sometimes you just can’t please everybody. You try to accommodate more than one person at a time, but it’s never good enough. There will always be shortcomings and disappointments, and only anger and bitterness in the end.


Sometimes we just have to wonder why we still even bother to try. Are we in severe denial, or is there really that miniscule smidgen of a chance that in the end things will work out the way we’d always hoped they would? What is it that makes us think this is all worth it?

Am being a bloody doormat .

+ 1 - 1 = 0

her·mit P Pronunciation Key (hûr’mĭt)
n. A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence; a recluse

lep·er P Pronunciation Key (lĕp’ər)
n. A person who is avoided by others; a pariah.

cul-de-sac P Pronunciation Key (kŭl’dĭ-săk’, kŏŏl’-)
n. A dead-end street.

Have turned into one. A hermit/leper who’s in an emotional cul-de-sac. And am mighty tired of it.

Doom

It’s a feeling you can never shake, no matter how hard you try not to think about it.

I live in a glass house. There’s always that feeling of doom that a tiny grain of sand will hit the wall, and the whole house will shatter.

So it isn't just me

One of the greatest injustices of life is that just when you think everything is finally settled down and going well, something happens to make it fall apart all over again. It’s a vicious cycle that just never ends.

Yesterday I saw the one thing I needed to tell me that my instincts were right. And now my whole world is crashing down around my ears again. If what I feel is true, then I don’t want to waste another second of my life in this fiasco.

One of the greatest ongoing battles ever fought in mankind is the one between the logical side and the emotional side of the brain. No matter how hard or how bravely they fight, the emotional side always wins, and the logical side always loses. No marks for guessing which side I’m on.

A single woman will not say she has to support herself because her so-called ex-boyfriend can’t support her. She would say she has to support herself because she doesn’t even have a boyfriend to support her in the first place, wouldn’t she?

It doesn’t matter what you say
It’s a feeling that will never go away