What hurts the most - knowing how it really is, how it might never be, or how could it have been

Sometimes we think that things are slowly but seemingly taking a turn for the better, and before we know it, we start to let our guard down and try to ease into the change. But then it's only when we cave -- or in my case, implode completely -- that the reality of it hits us (or is conveyed by the people around us), and the impact is so profound that we're left kicking ourselves in mortified humiliation.