I'm learning again..

How it feels to be afraid.

How it feels to be teetering on the edge, too terrified to move and too tired of standing still in the same spot.

How it feels to have the stakes raised against me.

How it feels to be completely helpless.

How it feels to rather be left in this gray area than to be sent hurtling back to the black area.

How it feels to know that this time around, I really could stand to lose everything.

That in the end, I would still risk everything to know how it all could have been.